Anyone Have A Wood Chipper??

For years now, many years, I am often confused for someone named Keith. It happens quite often, at the mall, at festivals, at home shows, anywhere large groups of people gather. I will be minding my own business and someone I don’t know will walk by and smile and say “Hi Keith!”

Most times they keep going and I am too indifferent to turn around and yell “HEY, I’m not KEITH you DIMWIT!!”  A few times these people have actually tried to make small talk. Understanding that they can’t possibly know Keith that well if they think I am him, I sometimes just go along with it.

Kelly has been a witness to this several times already in the short time we have been together. We both laugh about it mostly, but it’s got me wondering if I really even look like this guy at all? Or are these people just seeing the wheelchair and one or two other common traits (like we are both men and, I dunno, have teeth).

The worst part is when I bump into people I have had dealings with in the past, I recognise them and they seem to recognize me, but when they approach, they call me Keith. This happened recently at a home show, I was zipping around looking for tankless water heaters and backup generators, and I saw a former local politician that I have had dealings with in several capacities over the years. I doubted she would remember me, but I saw in her face that she did. Well not really. “Hi Keith!”   Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I have talked about this a few times while having lunch with the guys at work. I’m  told this other person is called my doppelganger. I had never heard the term, but I looked it up and I suppose that description, although somewhat weird and spooky, fits.  The guys assure me that I must kill my doppelganger or he will kill me. This is apparently common knowledge. I found this website to help clear up a few facts.

I felt it was pretty unlikely that I would ever figure out who Keith was, so killing him was not really in cards anyway.  I don’t believe we look anything like each other, I’m sure we could pass each other on the street and not even notice.

But then this morning, while waiting in line a Tim Horton’s (a coffee shop for you non-Canadians) a woman turned to me and said “Hi Keith, are you still with Traffic Engineering?” My as of yet coffee-less brain took a second to react. “You have me confused with someone else”

Puzzled, she replied, “really?…..your first name is not Keith?”

Now had I had more time or perhaps had my coffee by then, there were so many possible responses to her insistence that I might be unclear as to my own identity. But all I could muster was “nope”

“Hmmph” she replied and settled back as though rejected.

I wondered if maybe my doppelganger is a total player. Maybe Keith had had crazy wild sex with this woman and she was pissed because she thought I was trying to pretend I didn’t know her. Meh, maybe she was just embarrassed because she is an idiot.

Regardless, the point is that I now have a lead. I know where Keith works. He works for the city in the Traffic Engineering Department!  Don’t worry. I’m not going to try to kill him. But if I can muster up the courage, I may go over and get a picture of Keith and I sitting side by side.

 PS: Bonus points if you can tell me which movie Kelly and I watched last night.