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Anyone Have A Wood Chipper??

April 8, 2008

For years now, many years, I am often confused for someone named Keith. It happens quite often, at the mall, at festivals, at home shows, anywhere large groups of people gather. I will be minding my own business and someone I don’t know will walk by and smile and say “Hi Keith!”

Most times they keep going and I am too indifferent to turn around and yell “HEY, I’m not KEITH you DIMWIT!!”  A few times these people have actually tried to make small talk. Understanding that they can’t possibly know Keith that well if they think I am him, I sometimes just go along with it.

Kelly has been a witness to this several times already in the short time we have been together. We both laugh about it mostly, but it’s got me wondering if I really even look like this guy at all? Or are these people just seeing the wheelchair and one or two other common traits (like we are both men and, I dunno, have teeth).

The worst part is when I bump into people I have had dealings with in the past, I recognise them and they seem to recognize me, but when they approach, they call me Keith. This happened recently at a home show, I was zipping around looking for tankless water heaters and backup generators, and I saw a former local politician that I have had dealings with in several capacities over the years. I doubted she would remember me, but I saw in her face that she did. Well not really. “Hi Keith!”   Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I have talked about this a few times while having lunch with the guys at work. I’m  told this other person is called my doppelganger. I had never heard the term, but I looked it up and I suppose that description, although somewhat weird and spooky, fits.  The guys assure me that I must kill my doppelganger or he will kill me. This is apparently common knowledge. I found this website to help clear up a few facts.

I felt it was pretty unlikely that I would ever figure out who Keith was, so killing him was not really in cards anyway.  I don’t believe we look anything like each other, I’m sure we could pass each other on the street and not even notice.

But then this morning, while waiting in line a Tim Horton’s (a coffee shop for you non-Canadians) a woman turned to me and said “Hi Keith, are you still with Traffic Engineering?” My as of yet coffee-less brain took a second to react. “You have me confused with someone else”

Puzzled, she replied, “really?…..your first name is not Keith?”

Now had I had more time or perhaps had my coffee by then, there were so many possible responses to her insistence that I might be unclear as to my own identity. But all I could muster was “nope”

“Hmmph” she replied and settled back as though rejected.

I wondered if maybe my doppelganger is a total player. Maybe Keith had had crazy wild sex with this woman and she was pissed because she thought I was trying to pretend I didn’t know her. Meh, maybe she was just embarrassed because she is an idiot.

Regardless, the point is that I now have a lead. I know where Keith works. He works for the city in the Traffic Engineering Department!  Don’t worry. I’m not going to try to kill him. But if I can muster up the courage, I may go over and get a picture of Keith and I sitting side by side.

 PS: Bonus points if you can tell me which movie Kelly and I watched last night.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. April 8, 2008 10:38 pm


    I think you should track him down. I wonder if he is getting “Hey Sylvain!” all over town…

    I wonder what else you have in common? blogger? skin-packer? oh the fun you two could have.

    Just google him and get it over with. Would it be weirder than approaching strangers in the mall?

  2. April 9, 2008 6:55 am

    What a great story.

    Thanks, Keith!

  3. April 9, 2008 8:32 am

    Yup, I’m guessing “Fargo” too. Not sure how a woodchipper would deal with a wheelchair… let me know how it goes! 😉

  4. April 9, 2008 8:05 pm

    I can’t wait to see a photo of Keith from Fargo, I mean from Traffic control or wherever the heck he works. Maybe he got fired from there for impersonating you and he now works selling wood chippers or movies at a video store?

  5. April 10, 2008 11:56 am

    You are a clever bunch. Fargo is indeed the movie we watched, with the famous wood chipper scene. Uh-yuh. So far, I have done nothing with the intel I have on the imposter. I am I trying to find someone who knows someone who works at city hall. I’m hoping to get more details. Stay tuned.

  6. April 16, 2008 11:02 am

    and are you going to be logging down as well Syl?


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