Interviewed by Kelly

About a week ago now, Suki interviewed Kelly.  If you missed it, you can read that post here.  I then asked Kelly to interview me.  She did,  almost immediately, but it took me while to answer all the questions.

Here, finally, are the five interview questions from Kelly:

1. If money were no object, would you make a career change? In what direction?

Absolutely. First we would have to define what you mean by “money is no object”

If you mean I’ve won the lottery and have more money than I know what to do with, than I would start my own business. Most likely it would be something where I have frequent contact with the public, and serve them in some way. An idea that you and I have talked about would be my choice, and I would begin planning it immediately. (I can’t mention it, because I do think it’s a great idea, and who knows when I might with the lottery.)

If you mean that I have no debts and very few obligations and I can get by on very little money for a time, allowing me more freedom, than I think I would quit my current job and go back to school.

I’ve come to realise how much I miss the client contact and problem resolution aspect of my previous career at the phone company. I didn’t even think of it while I was there, but I now know that helping people and solving sometimes complex problems was very satisfying to me. My next career would have to include at least one of those aspects.

2. If you could go back in time and change one decision, which would it be? If not, why not?

I like to think that I have very few regrets in life. But if given the opportunity there are a few things I might do differently.

One is Building a house for my parents and me to live in together. I’ve blogged about this before. It was a pivotal point where I feel I chose the wrong path. I love this house, and I love my parents very much, but with their advancing age, our lives have now become hopelessly intertwined, with no easy solutions. It seemed to make sense at the time, and it has certainly had its mutual benefits. But I feel I’ve given up a life that could have been

Another is a small, seemingly insignificant decision I made one day in grade 10. I was wandering the halls with a friend during one of our breaks, and we noticed huge doily sized snowflakes were falling from the sky. It was beautiful and I decided we should go out there. I was wearing Jeans and a t-shirt. It was freezing out. My friend said it was too cold, we should go back in. I refused. I was in awe of the flakes. I tilted my head back and you could see them coming from way way up, drifting slowly downward. I stayed out there way past when I started shivering, and only came in when the snow slowed and the cold was starting to make my muscles ache from shaking. Three weeks later, I awoke in the ICU on a ventilator, my hands tied to bedrails. I had been admitted a few days earlier with pneumonia. I coded the night before. Was it really the result of my stupid little adventure in the cold? I suppose I’ll never know. 

3. You’ve talked on your blog (or maybe just to me) about health related anxiety and panic. What advice would you give to someone who also struggles with bouts of severe anxiety–around their health or other issues?

I’m not really sure that I am ready to give anyone advice. It’s still something that I struggle with. I wasn’t always like this. It started after I lost my first job, I blogged about it here. It has come and gone ever since. I have come to know the signs, and that has helped me a lot. It all comes down to control. I believe my anxiety around my health, at it’s core, is a fear of losing control of my life. I’ve struggled hard and have built a wonderful life despite my physical limitations. I am truly blessed.  When a new, or rather when I presume there is a new health challenge wanting to add itself to the mix, I think my brain spirals into a fear or panic that my little world will no longer be sustainable, that my house of cards will fall apart. At a certain point, all you can do is surrender to it. And there is peace in that. It’s much easier said than done, I know, and that is where I struggle. It’s also why I have Xanax on standby, if I need it.

 4. Is there one thing that you wish others understood better about you?  Take this opportunity to express that.

I suppose I’d like everyone to know that my shit is not as together as it appears to be. That’s a double edged sword, as it certainly has its downside. I’ve always given the outward appearance that I can handle anything. Bring it on. I can take it. I’ll help you resolve it and if I can’t I’ll listen and at least help you feel better. And problems? I don’t have any. Everything is great. Nothing I can’t handle. I think it started with my need to prove myself as capable as anyone else, never let them see you sweat and all that. And for the most part, it’s fine. But when I have too much on my own plate, that’s when I realize how many people count on me to help keep them sane. It’s also when I notice just how many things I am responsible for that just don’t happen unless I make them. And it’s my fault, I created this mess over years and years, probably out of some twisted need to feel needed. But somewhere along the way, that need subsided, and now on many days, I just want the world to leave me alone and take care of itself.  But it won’t. And I feel guilty if I let it. 

 5. If you could have any living person to dinner and spend the evening talking to him/her, who would it be and why?

This one is difficult. I don’t really care about celebrity. I’d like to have dinner with someone who can enrich my understanding of things I could never experience first hand. I think I’d like to pluck a Canadian soldier out of Afghanistan, someone who frequently goes “outside the wire” and into the villages. I’d like to have a nice meal with him or her and hear about what they have seen, what good is being done and if we should continue the mission. I’d like to sit with a scientist working on stem cells research, or someone involved in the CERN project. I’d also like dinner with a half dozen elderly people, assembled from small villages all over the world. Being able to enjoy a meal with them and learn about their lives, that would be wonderful

If you would like to be interviewed:

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me”.

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions).

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.