Anxiety Level: Normal

On Friday February 20th, I was numb.

If you remember, I have been having stomach pain, off and on,  and as part of some tests to rule things out, I had virtual colonoscopy on Wednesday February 18^th.  By Friday I had forgotten about it, intending to call my doctor on the Monday to get an appointment to hear the results.  But when I got to the office, my message light was flashing.  It was my doctor’s receptionist asking that I call her back ASAP. My heart sank.  I called.  The doctor wanted to see me that morning, could I come in right away?.

When he came into the office I knew it wasn’t good. I had tried to tell myself otherwise, but his expression said it all. Not good news. The test showed something “very suspicious”. That’s the way the radiologist reported it. I asked my doctor what that might mean. And he said it. The C word. A very real possibility that cancer was present in my colon.

I went numb and I’m sure I went white. He paged the surgeon and stayed with me until the surgeon called back. I was told I would be contacted on the Monday for the next steps. I was lost; I barely remember driving to Kelly’s office. It was her lunch hour and some co-workers helped me find her. We found a quiet spot to talk and I tearfully told her the news. After some hugs and some comforting, I went back to the parking lot and sat in my van for a bit. I called one of my sisters, and told her.  After that I didn’t know what to do. I went back to my office  and asked them to be flexible for a few weeks. They were extremely understanding. 

I’ve spoken about my anxiety issues before. Everything else I had ever worried about now seemed insignificant. Hopefully that lesson will stick.

On Monday February 23^rd, the surgeon’s assistant called and scheduled me for a real colonoscopy. She said in order to expedite things, the surgeon was sending me for the test right away, and he would see me afterwards, on Tuesday March 10^th.

That test was today. And the surgeon himself was there. He’s a great doctor and a very nice guy to boot. I was not sedated much for the procedure, as my respiratory issues were a concern. It’s not a comfortable test without sedation, let me tell you. But today was one of the happiest days of my life.

After 12 days of serious anxiety, panic attacks and waking up most days depressed and terrified, the test revealed that there is nothing wrong with me. At least there is nothing wrong with my colon. I do not have cancer.

How can this be? Well, I was told by a nurse in the procedure room that virtual colonoscopies can sometimes be unreliable in that they can mistake, umm, left over materials in the colon, as something serious.

After I had gotten dressed the surgeon came to see me and said I did not need to go see him on Tuesday, there is nothing to talk about. He will send the report to my doctor and I can follow up with him.

I am on cloud nine. I can’t begin to describe the thoughts that had been going on in this head of mine the last twelve days. With Kelly’s compassion and support, I was able to get through the toughest times. My family, my faith and prayer was very helpful to me. And in the last few days, I have reached out to a few other friends, and their words of support helped me stay positive and to believe I was fine. And I am.