Skip to content

Gone

January 7, 2010

Not good news folks. It happened yesterday. I was so angry I couldn’t possibly blog about it.

I still can’t say much about it because until the end of the month I am bound by legalities.

What I CAN tell you is that the exciting opportunity which had presented itself has evaporated. The reason for this sudden evaporation is making my blood boil, and when I tell you, it will make yours boil too. But for now I can only tell you that there is much more uncertainty in my near future than there was only a few days ago.

Regrettably I had let myself start to believe that it was going to happen. It wasn’t completely foolish. When I am able to share, you’ll see that I had good reason to believe it would. But the problem with expectations, as we all know, is that you set yourself up for crushing disappointment. That was me yesterday.  Terribly disappointed. And angry. Extremely angry.

So here I am, back to contemplating what I should do with my life three weeks from now. There will be a severance package, and after that employment insurance. So I am by no means headed to the food bank. But there will be some serious changes now, more than I had hoped for.

I’m going from scared to excited, and back again at least 10 times a day.  The scared moments come when I think about all the security and comfort that I am losing. All the work and uncertainty that the next little while will bring. The realization that I can no longer do anything I want without worrying much about where the money will come from. And the fear that I am somehow letting down Kelly or my family.

The excitement comes when I realize that I haven’t really liked my job for the last several years. I’m bored. I was stagnating in a sea of meaningless marketing crap. What I did for a living added nothing of value to society. True, I paid my share of income taxes, but I did nothing of true meaning. And it has bothered me for a very long time.

I miss the phone company.  Back then, at least a few times a week I would get a sincere thank you. I would maybe get someones phone back working who was nine months pregnant and didn’t want to be without. Or I would have one of my managers deliver one of our giant bag style cell phones (1992) to an older woman living by herself until we could fix the large cable cut on her block. On hectic days as a dispatcher I would juggle huge workloads and shuffle crews around getting the most out of the staff we had to get the most people back in service that day. I went home exhausted, but feeling like I had accomplished something of value. I had made a difference in some lives that day. I know, it’s not huge stuff, but I felt like I mattered. I miss that feeling.

No, I wouldn’t want to be back at the phone company. Things have changed. Everyone has a cell phone or knows someone who does and land lines are less important now. That isn’t the point anyway. I think I just want something where I have contact with people. I’m not stupid. I worked with the public before. I know many (most?) are ungrateful at best, and often downright nasty, but the sweet appreciative ones more than make up for it.

A lot to think about. And I’ll bring you along with me on this ride. What is most comforting to me is that I know I am not alone this time. Kelly is so supportive. I know she will be there with all the hugs and words of encouragement I need when I need them most. That alone pretty much ensures success.

Also, on another front, there was some very good news today. I went for an ultrasound to follow-up on my kidney adventures. The ultrasound tech was so sweet. They are not supposed to tell you anything of course, but as she was checking my kidney for any fragments or stones this was the non-conversation:

Tech: “Oh everything looks great, nothing there at all.

Me:  “Oh thank you!! You just made my day!”

Tech:  “I didn’t say anything.”

Me: “..and I didn’t hear anything”

Tech: “Great, I’m just going to keep talking to myself. You’re free to listen if you like”

And on she went describing the good news. All the stone bits that were there are gone.

Advertisements
11 Comments leave one →
  1. January 7, 2010 10:07 pm

    Cheers for your clear kidneys! Ever optimistic (and at the risk of sounding like a mad woman with a crystal ball), I see your ultrasound as a prophecy of what’s ahead career-wise for you. The change you’re in the midst of now is the stones being crushed and flushed. Knowing that you wish to feel more purposeful and appreciated in your work, this seems like the perfect time for things to reshuffle and lead you to something more fulfilling. Much like that Kelly taking a big chance by walking out on the rat race job….

    I am very hopeful for you.

  2. January 7, 2010 11:51 pm

    I’m glad that you’re taking us along for the ride, Sylvain. And at your very good news that your kidney stone adventures are over, hopefully for good! As for the rest, oh boy, now you have a Big Opportunity, right? I hesitate to say words of encouragement for it seems like so many fantastic workers are out of work right now, like Rick. However, know that I wish the very best for you. You and Kelly are certainly at a Time of Adventure in your lives, which is a fine place to be, I’m thinking. Especially together, right? Peace, love, joy, and a great job, O

  3. January 8, 2010 9:51 am

    I’m rather speechless here. Grrrr. Corporations suck. 😦

    Regardless of what happens, though, you are not letting down Kelly, or your family (or your friends, or your blog readers). Your worth to them is not defined by your job, finances, mood, health, or anything else that’s remotely tangible or definable. And you know this, but I’m reminding you anyway. You, existing, are enough for all of us and it’s everything we need.

    I’m really glad to hear that your kidneys are happy. And for the lovely angel who passed that news along. Or, um, didn’t. Y’know. Nothing was said. But yeah. 😉 La la la..

  4. January 8, 2010 1:28 pm

    Drats! We all hate disappointment like this! DRATS DRATS DRATS and more DRATS!!!!!

    Now, you will create a new future more wonderful than the lost expectations one. I have GREAT EXPECTATIONS for you!

    So thinking positively with you…I too love the non converation with the ultra sound tech. What a gem she is! I bet she loves that part of her job…having non conversations with patients telling real honest true good news she’s really not allowed to tell. How funny. Glad for you!

  5. kittykillkill permalink
    January 10, 2010 5:45 pm

    First off, I am happy to hear that the stone frags are gone. I love techs that tell you stuff when they’re not supposed to. Those are the ones that truly care IMO.

    As far as the opportunity issue, I shit my pants when I read that and became angered. I am sorry to hear that and hope that you some day can talk about what happened as I am curious to hear the details.

    Saying thoughts and prayers for you that things get settled for you.

    ps. This is rage. I am switching stuff to my other blog soon and want people to get familiar with my other nic.

  6. January 10, 2010 11:48 pm

    I love ultrasound techs that talk to themselves.

    When I was pregnant with my younger two, one of them had cysts in the brain (as seen through ultrasounds).LIkely they were nothing. Likely they would go away.

    We went for a follow up ultrasound, 2 weeks later.

    I’m freaking, because MY BABY HAS CYSTS IN HIS/HER BRAIN!!!

    The tech gently told us that she couldn’t tell us anything. I was upset.

    I insisted that she confirm that the babies were both alive.

    she confirmed that (at least).

    Then, as the ultrasound was finishing, she said “I love doing these normal, run of the mill, no complication ultrasounds. Makes my day easy.” I said “REALLY!!!!” and she said “Yes. Have a wonderful day”.

    I did.

  7. honorarynewfie permalink
    January 13, 2010 6:57 pm

    I just agree with all the above.

  8. January 23, 2010 6:45 am

    Syl, while the tests of your resilience and spirit will not be fun in the moment, you will have grown stronger and more confident as a result of them. You will come out the other side of this time of uncertainty a better man for having experienced it.

    It is great news to learn of your clean ultrasound (and the tech who talked to herself and spoke clearly so anyone in the vicinity might accidentally overhear).

  9. January 25, 2010 9:45 pm

    If we never look up, how would we ever see the stars?
    Starting new is always scary and hard, but what a fabulous opportunity to re-invent yourself rather than stay in a job you don’t enjoy. There’s going to be lots of times when it won’t be ‘fun’, when it will be ‘down’, but you are a wonderful creation, Syl, with so much to offer to the world. We’re pulling for you, up here in our little patch of the world!
    And we’re delighted to hear your kidneys are now ‘on-side’ with health!

  10. January 28, 2010 10:11 pm

    so…when you sober up , you’ll have to fill us in!

  11. February 1, 2010 1:11 pm

    I have tagged you on my blog to participate in a game.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: